• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
Lasso The Moon
  • Welcome
  • Parenting
  • Recipes
  • Family Games
  • Travel
menu icon
go to homepage
  • Welcome
  • Parenting
  • Recipes
  • Family Games
  • Travel
search icon
Homepage link
  • Welcome
  • Parenting
  • Recipes
  • Family Games
  • Travel
×

Home » Blog » Modern Parenting » Parenting Tips & Tricks

How We Tell Our Daughters They Aren't Beautiful

Published: Sep 17, 2014 · Modified: Jun 25, 2015 by Zina Harrington · Post may contain affiliate links

beautiful

A box arrives from Zulily carrying a beautiful navy polka-dot dress.
I excitedly open it. Smiles. Joy.

The package has arrived just in time for a business conference I am attending.
I feel the dress material in my hand, it is perfect.
Comfortable. Professional. Beautiful.

An a-line dress, tailored just-so, can make that baby tire of mine magically disappear.
I unfold the dress and my heart sinks. Online product photos can be deceiving.

"Aren't you going to try it on Mom?" my daughter asks.
"It is going to be too small," I reply as I grab my tummy.

I do try the dress on. I suck in my stomach.
I turn every which way in the mirror.
But no matter which direction I turn, I find...
Shame.

My family feels my mood shift. My two girls attentively offer compliments.
"I think it is pretty," my youngest smiles.
"I like the polka dots," my older daughter reassures me.

I walk around the house for a few minutes in the dress flustered.
As she heads out the door for practice, my little Rose asks,
"Are you going to keep it?"

I stand for a moment. "The material is so soft, it is a shame it doesn't fit properly."
She tells me, "Well, if it is comfortable, then it is a perfect at-home dress."
A smile grows across my face,  "YES. You're right. It might not work for this conference,
but it is a lovely, everyday dress. Thank you for helping me see that."

...

Twenty-minutes later I am packing for the conference,
pulling out different dresses and blouses.
The self critiques begin.

I look fat in this skirt.
Who are you kidding, this will never fit again.
Why do you call it a baby tire? Your baby is EIGHT.

And then... it blindsided me. It literally took my breath away.
Are you familiar with this parenting philosophy?

divider
your criticisms become their inner voice
divider

With all the "positive parenting" info I read, I foolishly believed that this only included my criticism of the girls themselves. But as I sat in my laundry room it hit me like a ton of bricks.

They are listening.

Our daughters are listening to to the way we speak about our bodies. Your criticisms of your own body will influence their inner voice.

My friends, be kind to yourself. Be aware of the power of your words.

sig

daughter-mom

P.S. My friend Stacy over at Kids Stuff World introduced me to the site A Mighty Girl this week. Check out their post Ten Body Image Positive Books for Mighty Girls for some great book selections about developing a healthy body image.

More Parenting Tips & Tricks

  • 12 Addictive Reads: The Best Book Series For Teens
  • Must-Watch Streaming Documentaries For Kids: 10 Of THE BEST Educational Documentaries + Series
  • How To Let Go Of Summer Guilt — A Perspective Change
  • The Best Teen Movies On Netflix To Watch With Your Daughter

Primary Sidebar

Portrait of Zina

Hi, I'm Zina! You know you’re in the right spot if — You believe in game nights. You believe in PJ movie parties. You believe in breakfast for dinner. And most importantly, you believe happiness is family.

Let me show you around →

Popular

  • 7 Astoundingly Helpful Tips for Moving With Cats into a New Home
  • 5 Brutally Honest Things Every Woman Turning 40 Should Know
  • The Best Way To Pack a Suitcase: How to Travel With a Family + a Single Suitcase
  • How to Ensure Your Tween ROCKS the First Day of Middle School
  • Hidden Valley Ranch Chicken Marinade — THE BEST Chicken Recipe With Only 4-Ingredients!
  • Chicken Biscuit Casserole

Footer

↑ back to top

Lasso The Moon

  • About This Site
  • Disclosure
  • Privacy Policy
  • Accessibility Policy

Slow Down In Life

  • Overwhelm and busy get in the way of finding time for what really matters in life. Ready to reset? Join me at Becoming UnBusy too!

Slow Living Movement

  • "She silently stepped out of the race she never wanted to be in, found her own lane, and proceeded to win."
    — Pam Lambert

Copyright © 2020 Lasso The Moon

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.