I grew up in a home with yelling. Serious YELLING. Yelling has been woven into the fabric of my life. It is who I am. I am a yeller.
How do you begin to reset such an inherent parenting response?
This recent article How to Keep Your Cool as a Parent by Leo Babauta has got me thinking.
Go ahead, pop over and read it. I’ll wait.
I want to chat with you about it.
THINK BIG PICTURE
Let’s truly step back for a moment. What is your primary goal as a parent? Yes, we’d all love if our kids listened and were well-behaved 100% of the time. But really, my true goal is to help my kids learn to overcome difficulties in life and remain happy.
The challenges they face now run parallel to the difficulties they will encounter in the future: getting along with classmates/co-workers, dealing with a teacher/boss you don’t see eye-to-eye with, sharing living space with a sibling/spouse. This part of the article stood out to me:
I know that they need to be taught how to behave appropriately. I just no longer believe that yelling is the way to teach them appropriate behavior. Losing my temper and behaving badly is not the way to teach them how to act when they lose their temper and behave badly.
Because the example we set for them — how to act when things don’t go our way — is much, much more important than the rules we set for them. They learn lessons about behavior by our example, over time. [ Read full article ]
COMMIT WITH ICE-CREAM
Sighs. How many times have you yelled at your kids this week? Yeah, me too. I read these wonderful articles, but how do you stick to them in the heat of the moment?
This is the portion of the article that my mind keeps coming back to, tip #6…
Commit to being mindful with them. I actually promised my kids that I’d be a more mindful parent, and asked them to watch me. If they caught me losing my temper, I would put a dollar in a jar to go get ice cream with them.
THIS my friends is a bold move toward actual change. Putting yourself out there and admitting to your kids that you’re working on this and you want them to help you in your quest.
I keep asking myself, “Can you make this commitment?” I think about how sometimes it feels like my daughter knows how to push my buttons and wonder if this is a foolish choice. I read the conclusion of the article and feel inspired…
The main problem is that we have some ideal as parents, of how our kids should behave. We think they should be ideal kids, but in truth they’re not ideal, they’re real. They have faults, just like we do. They need help, they make mistakes, they get angry, they get frustrated. We do too.
Let’s figure out how to behave when we make mistakes, get angry, get frustrated, and show the kids how to do this through our example. [ Read full article ]
So I wanted to take a moment to check in with you and ask…
Will you make a commitment with ice-cream this week with me?
Should we go for it together? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
One of my ongoing goals is to continue to work on having parenting tools in my pocket for these type of stressful parenting situations.
Which is why I am excited to be partnering with Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions & TODAY Show contributor, who offers FREE LIVE training affiliate webinars.
You’re in luck. There is another webinar this month! Get the next available date here: Upcoming Webinars
If you’re tired of nagging, reminding and yelling to get kids to listen – this session is for you.
Discover proven tools for your most frustrating discipline dilemmas including the 5 R’s of Fair & Effective Consequences. This hour-long investment will leave you with ideas you can start using the SAME day.
All you need is your computer. (No webcam required.) You’ll see and hear Amy on your screen and you can even ask questions and she’ll make them part of the presentation.
Webinar seating will be limited so learn more and RSVP now!
Looking for alternatives to yelling and more resources?
Follow Parenting with Presence on Pinterest and check out a few of my favorite parenting bloggers:
- Creative with Kids
- Dirt & Boogers
- Abundant Mama
- Not Just Cute
- Lemon Lime Adventures
- Moments a Day
- Modern Parents Messy Kids
- Raising Playful Tots
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